It’s in January 2020.
I have so many things in my head.
Husband’s job searching, increasing our monthly income, trusting God for a bigger apartment, waiting for a place in kindergarten for my toddler son,
taking care of the kids, housework, planning and cooking meals, service in the church, and my commitment to posting a new article on my blog every week.
The first four things are things I can’t do much about, at least for now, except to pray. Yet they took up so much energy and headspace in me. For I care a great deal about them, but it’s not up to me to make those things happen, which gave me much worry and anxiety. I took on burdens that are not for me to carry, yet unable to do anything about it.
The consequence has been a lack of energy to do the things I can actually do —- the following five things on that list, for example. I’ve been easily irritated by my son and impatient to him. Sometimes I was unmotivated to do the housework or cook the meal. Not to mention how my stress had dried up my creativity for writing anything on my blog. Instead of giving my time for productivity and creativity, I spent much of it worrying and procrastinating, exchanging for a dead circle.
I have to admit that it’s no easy thing to try to make a living and raise children in a foreign country without a stable job yet. There’s been more than once I thought we were surely leaving. But it’s always nearly the last minute, the permit (visa) or the finances came in so that we could stay. I knew God’s in it. If He doesn’t ask us to leave, we are staying.
However, God doesn’t promise us it’s going to be easy. Just like when the disciples got on the boat with Jesus to go to the other side of the Galilee Sea, he didn’t promise a downwind sail. It took the disciples by utter surprise and terror when the storm struck, and the boat was about to sink (Matthew 14:22-33). It’s very much the same case when my husband told me right after Christmas that we didn’t have enough money to pay the month’s rent. What ?!
I leave you, dear reader, to imagine my surprise and terror in the hearing of that bad news. Let’s just say it took me days to feel my feet again and remember Jesus’s still in the boat. Jesus surely was and is in the boat with us. He calmed the raging storm on the Galilee Sea for the disciples, and He sent us timely financial provision before the bills were due.
The beginning of 2020, to me, has been like riding a roller coaster. And it’s time to let my faith work its effect again. Amid challenges and seemingly never-ending “to-do” list, Jesus did ask us to take his yoke and promise that His yoke is easy and burden light (Matthew 11:28-29). The tailor-made yoke from the Lord for us is different for each person. His yoke to me in this season looks like writing down each income and expense to make a new budget, making a weekly plan and stick with it, and setting attainable goals.
We are also to learn from Him. Learn His ways. Learn what it means to have faith in Him when things are far from ideal—- move one leg in front of the other, do the next right thing, and wait, to see how He’s going to make all things beautiful in time.
Dear reader, no matter where you find yourself in the long journey of life, I hope what I’ve experienced and learned at the beginning of the year would encourage you just a little. Let us remember, the God who’s unafraid and able to calm any storm is right by our side, resting. Therefore, we can rest too.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” （Romans 8:28)